Life as 'Mum' - The Pain

The pain, it's started, soon your going to meet the little one that you have felt move, kick, and hiccup for the past 9 months, could it get any better??? Yeah, if someone could just take the pain away, child birth would be amazing (but I suppose that's where an epidural comes into place).

Don't get me wrong, once they arrive and you hear that first cry it becomes unbelievable but till then the pain is indescribable. Again people think they can explain this, how very wrong they are! Until your there, in pain, giving birth, you can never know what to expect. I even think on the second, third and fourth baby you will forget how that felt until it starts again but I cant comment on that until the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th baby comes!!!

Get the stopwatch, paper and pen at the ready, you have waited for this day for weeks now!! Your contraction timings are showing its too far apart to phone the hospital (those classes were good for something) but is it supposed to be this painful?…...it's only the start!! As the night falls in, the pain is still there, but it's still not regular enough to do anything but keep timing and 'breathing'. Bed time, will there be any sleep? Will it happen during the night? Will it be time for the hospital in an hour, or two, or three? Or will the pain just stop? Not knowing is so hard, and what makes it all so scary. 

The pain has kicked in and woken me up, its 1am, but still 10 minutes apart. The sleep in-between each contraction is the most magical, amazing and, un-imaginable sleep EVER but then your awake again only to be in pain. I started to get warned after 9 minutes......"be ready for your next contraction its coming soon".

7am, they are closer and more intense (not that I could have imagined the pain becoming worse) Could this be it? Could it be time for hospital? 8.30am, hospital!!! 

This is the moment you've been waiting for, bags packed, pain kicked in and on your way, but why do you feel so unprepared, so scared? The next time you go home it will be with a baby in toe, and that's why. Your going to be a mum, and everything you've been waiting for is going to become real. 

So the plan to go to the hospital with clean hair, make up on looking beautiful (like that celebs) never really happened, the pain was too much to care about how your looking!! But luckily the legs are smooth and toe nails painted thanks to other people. Arrived and they want to send you home, but why? You are in so much pain how could they want to send you home? What happens if you cant get back in time? what happens if he comes in the car? For the only time ever you don't want to leave the hospital. 

3cm dilated, its so painful and there's still so far to go. Your not going home, the pain has become too intense. Breathing helps but when every ones telling you to 'just breath through it', you just want to shake them and try giving them the pain to 'breath through'! Gas and air……..what does it do other then make you sick, give you something to chew on, and makes you 'breath through' the pain. 'No' to an epidural because you want to feel the pain (thinking back that seems the most ridiculous thing to say). 6cm dilated, still so far to go. How can I keep getting through this pain? How much longer could it last?....an hour? 5? 7? 10? A question no-one could answer a text book would say 4 but no-one knows. The bath is running ready for me to push this baby out. Can this really be it? Will we be meeting our baby any time? The noise of the bath is too much. All I want to do is scream at the midwife filling it up (this is what the pain does to you). All of a sudden the urge is there to PUSH!!! I was always scared that I wouldn't know when I needed to push but WOW your body just does it, just tells you to push, he's coming!!!! An hour and half of pushing later and the head is nearly there, could this pain get any worse? Of course it could. The midwife is preparing you for the last few pushes, the tiredness is starting to kick in along with the pain becoming stronger and stronger and now for the last few minutes. 

The head is out, the pain can not be described, just writing about it makes my bottom half feel funny, but you know he's there waiting for one more push and with in seconds you will be cuddling your beautiful baby. 

He has arrived and the feeling becomes overwhelming, this child who you have carried around for 9 months and spent all that time worrying 'will everything be OK?' Wondering what will he look like? Excited to be a mummy, scared will I know what to do but most of all the LOVE for this unborn child who you will be caring for, for the rest of your life! Within seconds, even Milli-seconds, the love you have for him is indescribable. He becomes your everything, your one and only. So this is what everyone had been telling you about, this is the feeling they were talking about. It is the most amazing, complete, feeling that you have to this day and will have for everyday going forward. 

Everyone is gone and its just you and your baby (and a ward full of other new mums and screaming babies) but with the curtains pulled it feels like your all alone. Will he sleep? Will he scream? Will everything be OK? That becomes one of the longest nights EVER, even longer than the painful night before. All that you want is the sun to come up, breakfast be served and your partner to come back! But it doesn't happen that easily. So the time is going back wards and all your doing is watching him. Is his chest moving? Does he need his nappy changed,? Will he wake up screaming? Will i know how to feed him? But you just take it in your stride, when he cries you cuddle him, when he's sick you change him and when he's hungry……you call a midwife! But slowly the feeding becomes easier. The night is over, with about an hours rest but the tiredness hasn't hit you yet as your still in ore of this beautiful baby boy sleeping next to you.

Pain was mentioned 27 TIMES in this blog..........just saying!!! 

Life as 'MUM' - The start

Could anyone ever explain what being a parent would feel like? Of course people thought they could, and probably still think they can but after giving birth you realised that no-one's explanation was right. 

'Life before' meant no responsibilities, lying in, cinema, meals, nights out and how that will all change in a few hours (well 7hrs for me but a lot more for others) by something so small. 

Life isn't about you and what you want any more, its what your baby wants and needs from here on. It can become very daunting the thought that this little 7lbs 13oz baby needs you for everything, to eat, sleep, toilet, change! 

Your their everything, their only communication is to cry (and that can become hard, but I'll come back to that), you and dad are their number 1's. 

People can help but you will always be who they turn to, you have become a very important person in the world to this little bundle of joy! Have you always wanted to be a somebody.....make something of your life? Well you just have in the form of your little baby.

Your pregnant for 9 months, DD (due date) arrives, and you just wait……and wait. When nothing happens during the day your thinking surely it will happen during tonight, but wake up in the morning and………..still pregnant! From then on every day feels like a month, every hour feels like a day, every minute feels like a hour and every second feels like a minute, and all you want to do is meet your little bundle of fun, whilst everyone else is telling you to rest, enjoy your time before baby comes, and that's something you don't do because your just ready to meet them, 9 months is a long time (now that is one thing people did get right)! You don't know when you will next be able to eat out, watch a film, go to the cinema, and most importantly sleep 8 hours, 7 hours, even 6 hours. But you don't care because all you can think about is what they will look like, will they have hair, how much will they weigh, but the main question you want answered..….will everything be OK?

Lets get to the painful part next time.................